E L D D S(uck)

he looks like Robert Pattison, doesnt he?

haha, im so proud of myself. in fact, so proud that i feel so high about it. its like as if i just took cannabis or someth, yknow? (hahahaha, im reminded of the scene from 90210) The reason may be totally lame for some of you, but whatever. its like some major achievement to me. cause i sort of fought within myself, on whether or not i should have continued watching 90210, all two seasons of it, 36 episodes altogeth. haha, yeap pretty intense but hell yeah, i still did. stayed up till 3am everyday just to watch em and guess what? IM DONE WITH SEASON ONE AND HALFWAY THRU SEASON TWO! i love that show so much! if only such things exist in singapore. pfft.

anyways, in my previous post, i posted that i was so inspired by this character called Ade? Maybe not so much in season two cause she cheated on her boyfriend who loved her so much! like seriously. he fell for her since the first time he saw her, and that was when he was only 7! and then he always had her back, looking out for her without her knowing he even really existed for 9 frigging years! and then Ade got pregnant, took drugs went into Rehab, and her bf Navid was there for her, even willing to drop his family to want to marry her and raise the kid who wasnt even his! AND SHE STILL CHEATED ON HIM WTH?! So drama-mama, but i have a feeling, the guy shes hitting on right now is just using her. Both great "actors".

Speaking of which, theres another reason why im so inspired by Ade. Shes a theatrette and believe me, her voice is super nice! When i was in Primary 4, 10 years old then, i was in my schools Drama Club. Mostly i played the background voices cause apparently the teachers loved my voice but i wasnt ready to appear on stage. I still remember when i had to play this little kid's voice. The scene was during the Japanese Occupation. The line that is still stucked in my head. "Mum, Im so scared. What if the British gives up?" Memorable, cause i really felt the emotion when i said it. & i swear to got i love theater. Which explains my fetish for all sorts of play or musicals. Childish ones or too matured or even too sappy for some, i still love them. Shouldnt have gave up theater. Should have continued. I actually sort of did in Sec School. Or so i thought. We had this CCA called ELDDS, which most of us know that one of the Ds stand for "Drama". 4 years in that CCA, not one play at all. I was even more disapointed when apparently the name ELDDS was just a cover up. Because by Year 3, they renamed the CCA "Creative Circle". Really wasted.

& hence i hope that after I get my 'A' Level Results, Im gonna get a job and pursue a degree in NIE as well as take up acting classes. Then who knows, i may get a shot at theater. hahahahaha, big dream my friend.

lotsa love.

*Sidenote: Scroll Down slowly and tell me you didnt drool as you scroll.

CURRENT OBSESSION.

look at his rosy cheeks and lazy eyes!
he is just too HOT. *faints*

90210!

its been long, so ive decided to blog. (:

im still under house arrest, and my whole family had to be involved in the family house cleaning. tedious, but atleast its something for me to do. else i would be rotting like literally.

have been watching 90210 online, i love that show. so many hot guys, and boy that show is sizzling cause there's so much making out haha. i feel so inspired by one of the cast in that show. Her name is adrianna, ade for short. super pretty and very talented.

i went for a job interview yesterday and it wasnt so bad. i applied for cashier and an admin assistant at NTUC fairprice. i had to memorise 8 codes and labels on the spot and tested. plus i had to take a mental sum test. scary! anyways if i get the former job, dont be shocked to see me when you purchase your stuff at NTUC fairprice! haha.

other than that, nothing much. i had my fringe trimmed, so its more of a bangs now. with my ruby shades im totally loving it.

ok thats all. watch-series.net is being a bitch, I CANT LOAD 90210! ):

when selflessness aint so bad.

Just a sidenote, dont be offended by what im going to say but this is what i really think.

Ive read about how good friends and caring family members are suppose to stand by you if something wrong or misleading were to happen. It's not that i dont have them, but maybe i have not felt that side of them yet. Sometimes i feel like as if im trying to please others too much but not my own self. Ive got responsibilities shouldered onto my tiny shoulder but nobody seemed to care. I hate being a hypocrite, when i try my best to suck up to my family at the expense of my other relationships or try to act like nothing is happening when something big is really happening. I grow up in a family where everything is set on the table for me. Compromise? I dont think so. To outsiders like my aunts, my family may seem like a flawless perfect family with a father who earns a decent income and a mother who takes care of the family and kids who never create problems. I believe that Perfection never existed, and human falter very easily.

I lie to my parents when i want to go out with my friends, using school as an excuse just to have a meager 5 hours of enjoyment.
I lie to my friends whenever my parents disallow me my liberty, saying something crop up when the real excuse is that simply my parents dont allow.
I apologise to my parents to mistakes i did not do.
I apologise to my friends endlessly when i feel guilty for going back on my words.
I try my best to be on my best behavior just to have freedom, a thing that other parents wouldnt deny their own kids. Sometimes even being a non-paid actress.
I try my best to not break my promises to my friends, and feel very guilty whenever i do but i dont think people see that.

It doesnt end here, but i see no point in going. Its not as if it will change anything.
Nobody understands, and even if they say they do, they actually dont cause they arent the ones in my shoe, always having to cut myself into two and be two persons - The Syikin who belongs to her youth and teenage life with her friends, and the Syikin who has to do all the household chores and never argue back to her parents and abide by everything they say cause they are always right, cause if i dont, i will be treated like a prisoner. A prisoner who will be locked up in the room to reflect on herself, and not allowed to eat, and should come out only when shes ready to say sorry and receive one hr of non-stop lecture.

Being a teenager, my hormones always gets the best of me. Once it became too much that i stayed locked up in the room for two days, and even contemplated on running away and being suicidal. I think some of my friends knew about this, friends whom i really could depend on. Who gave the right advices. Thank You.

Yes, this is my life. What others dont see beneath all that swagger.
If you think im lying, then its up to you cause for sure, im sure of my words and will never regret the decision i made to post this.

I love everyone in my life, but perhaps it may never be the same again for i fervently hope that after this i still have a little bit of dignity to carry on, no matter how insignificant.

lotsa love.

long enough i suppose.

since i have the mood to blog, im gonna blog about all that had happened for the past one whole week.

went to malaysia, and had aloooot of fun. went to city square first, caught a movie there. when i watch movies in malaysia, i settle for malay shows cause i'd rather watch the good english shows in singapore. firstly, its due to the quality and next, i think my money is better off spent in singapore. i dont know, its just something i stand by. patriotic much? nahh. and furthermore, im not a cinema-person. haha. so anyways, my whole family watched this show called Santau. not a good movie, cause the plot was rather lame and expected. it was supposed to be a horror show, but i wasnt freaked out at all. having the most-cornered seat was a plus, i spent most of my time lying my head on the cushion seat and faced the wall. it was the most boring show ever. [no hot guys.] haha. anyways, there was this NC-16 scene that was really gross. the supposedly "nenek lampir" aka old ghost hag disguised as a beautiful lady and was sort off kissing this dude from the back and the guy was then enjoying it. the guy is 40+ and not hot. but guess what? the malaysian audience were giggling and thawing their laughters out during that scene. and mind you, most of them were teenagers and wearing tudungs! to add on to it, behind me was a lady who kept praying to god. i was like, wtf? haha. and then went around the centre and just shopped. Guilt-free!

and then my mum wanted to get some groceries at kotaraya. she says the price of some stuff in singapore are such a rip off that its much worth purchasing them in malaysia instead. at the grocery store, there was this dude at the weighing counter. well, he's sort of cute. haha. my mum told me to weigh some stuff for her, and i gladly did. the guy almost dropped the item when he was handing it back to me and when he said sorry, i swear to god my heart skipped a beat cause it was the most sweetest voice ever! omg. but, nahh, no mat malaysia for me. so i took it and said thanks and turned around. guess what happened next? my aunt came up with her friend who was with her and teased me. like loudly. infront of him. she said things like, "ooh, nice abang. (dude)you like right?" i was so embarassed then, that i just continued walking really quick. i swear to god i heard him chuckle lightly. luckily the pathway was clear cause my head was in haywire and i was cussing like mad. hahahaha. hilarious when i think of it again.

then on the way home, i became a STALKER. hehehe. ok, somebody kill me. cause i embarassed myself AGAIN. so this time it was a singaporean guy. singaporean cause i stalked him all the way from larkin to the singapore checkpoint. he was holding a singapore passport. usually im not very attentive of the things around me but this dude really caught my attention cause he looked like Tom Kaulitz! not so much of his twin bill cause bill is more androgynous-looking. haha. anyways, he was so good-looking and just my luck we took the same bus and was heading the same way! however we parted at the singapore checkpoint cause my passport got jammed at the biometric station. but got a clear look of his face atleast. hahaha. ok, so maybe im superscary in that sense.. really. but i dont think you will think the same after reading my next para.

and last but not least, was my trip to the j.east swimming pool. really really fun. had some mats trying to show off themselves off at the lazy river. pissed off at the fact that that day, so many mats and minahs were there. but anyways the most significant thing that happened to me there was the fact that me and my cousin and bro, was STALKED by this caucasian guy. he was practically EVERYWHERE that we were at! i thought i was being paranoid, but then after we got changed and stuff, my cousins told me that that they saw the guy as well. and he even tried talking to one of them! scary? maybe god was punishing m e for my previous behaviour at Johor Bahru. A tit for a tat! haha.

so other than all these outings and events, im very satisfied with my life now. waking up every morning looking forward to the rest of the day and groaning before sleep why 16 hrs pass so fast. guitar-playing, being online and watching endless korean drama and movies and most importantly, no more school which means i have more free time to go out and shop with family and friends, i can never imagine that life gets any better than this. haha. im happy. (:

next up, looking forward to another overseas trip maybe to mersing or batu pahat! also my outing this saturday with Dina, At and Aishah as well as our New Years' Eve outing with the rest of them. And endless stories to share. Catch-ups definitely.

Hit the sack. Lotsa love. :]

Just You & Me

I have alot of stuffs i want to post like right now. Overdue pics from all the outings and also some significant stories that had made my day for the past few days. But bleah, im so tired and bored! My bed is itching for me to slam myself onto it and just hit the sack.

Yeah maybe i should go.

And ohyeah, i love my new skin.

And also, i have applied for so many jobs, yet no response. Sad.

Okay, now i really wanna go and sleep.

Lotsa Love. (:

Malaysia

I am so so beat. My little bro and cousin just entered as i am typing this words and they are so irritating, but i dont give a shite. haha. i am gonna be a little bit more tolerant towards them (and whatevr actually), but the focus on today's post is about my trip to Malaysia the whole day today which was both exciting and intriguing, yet exasperating. Okay its not gonna be a one whole long post about some crappy insignificant stuffs. i realise i can be long-winded at times when im blogging haha. gonna try keep this supa short and suweeeet. (:

let me start by describing a little bit about myself. im a very very self-conscious person. every stare from someone will catch my attention, and i will act like as if i didnt know that person is actually looking by scratching my nose, talk to the person with me, look at the watch or pretend in texting on the phone. i dont think im the only one who does this. idk, maybe its just me. haha. anyways, this thingy applies only when im in singapore. when im in malaysia, somehow i dont give a damn. its like they always stare at us singaporeans like as tho we have webbed feet or the word "fuck" tatooed on our forehead. after a while i dont feel the need to feel so weird. i asked my malaysian cousin why they always do that and she said that its because our face and fashion sense exudes an impact on them. an invisible one. a magnetic attraction/force. she doesnt know how to exactly explain them, but i kind of get her point. i think most of us singaporeans do. haha.

okay, enough parading such facts. maybe i may be right, maybe not.

anyways, today two cute guys cross my path and ive got some stories to share about them but im supertheduperthetrooper tired. i wanna sleep, tell ya some other time.

lotsa love.

heylo mister, i missed ya. alot. doesnt change anyth.